Chapter 4
Chidimma kept looking my way, though I try my best not to read meaning into it which was difficult. I still haven't updated my diary, I guess nothing important has occurred.
I came home today so tired as I am about to fall asleep my phone blared off, I picked it without looking at the contact.
"Hello," I said sluggishly.
"Hello, cuz" I heard Henry from the other side, I sat up, he's my favorite cousin, actually my role model, he has his ways with girls.
"How parols," I asked. This is the second time he's calling this week, he wants me to visit Lagos after my exams.
"Cool, am still calling for the issue, I already called your parents, they approved, so come have fun and leave the east for a bit," he said I chuckled.
I really want to go but Henry is blunt if he finds out am still a virgin and my inability to get a girl he will never let me forget it. Still, I want to go have fun and forget all this failure.
"Will think about it," I said, after that, we talked about the latest movies and stuff, I really enjoy spending time with him, we hung up after catching up.
My phone rang again as am about to sleep, this time I checked the caller, it's an unsaved number but I know who, for its a number I have memorized. I contemplated whether to pick it or not, was still thinking as the call ended, I decided to pick it if she calls again and truly she did, I then picked up.
"Hello," she said immediately.
"Hi" I replied in a monotone.
"I have no idea what to say or how to apologize, but know this am so sorry," she said in a pleading tone.
"Alright, it's bygone" I replied since I can't even react.
"The guy is my boyfriend but he is a bully he abuses me, am afraid of what he will do to me if I had reacted that day," she said and I heard her sobs, my heart broke for her.
"Then report him or something," I said, that's the best I can offer, am not the type that fights or try being a hero.
"I tried but he found out and it made the matter worst, am so afraid," she said, my inner mind told me how much I will enjoy her if I help her out.
"How can I help," I said even before I could think.
"He's doing this because I owe him, I can pay him off I bet he will be off," she said then epiphany hits me, that's all I am to her, a bank that she can come to withdraw whenever she feels like, I have been only a fool. I hung up before she said something else. The impetus, she just spoiled my day and destroy whatever hope I have for her, I slept off and luckily she didn't call.
I heaved a sigh after am done, I took my bath and came out from the bathroom, it's now a regular routine for me. As of late, I have been touching myself in excess. I watch pornographic videos and stuff, I always fantasize about almost every sexy girl that walks past me, I wish to stop cause I know the problem it poses to health not to talk of the religious view of it.
I came home early today with nothing to do I decided to bring out my diary and do some update its been long I updated it last, I went and brought it out from my box of cloth where I usually keep it, its still as I left it, I smile as I feel it's my only companion.
Dear diary
Its been long I wrote last, did you miss me. What a funny question to ask a diary. The last time I updated, I said I would stay clear from girls, I quite did, but it's been difficult.
Though I have never had any luck with girls in the past, at least I always have hope when am trying to win a girl, even though I never succeed, but still, the hope I had, gave me joy, "for they say even unreturned love has its rainbow". But now I have personally killed that hope, for when I see a girl no matter how pretty she is and how inviting I always remember the decision I made, so I always hold back.
As for chidimma, she called me last week to apologize giving all sort of excuse, that she has an abusive boyfriend and she was scared that's why she played along, for a moment she got me and I felt pity that I even offered to help, she then said she's owing the guy and can only be free if she pays the guy off, I dropped the call and never picked her call again. I even ignored her when she tried to stop me at school, I just can't imagine what she took me for, her mugu?.
I have been touching myself lately, more than usual, whenever I come across a pretty girl, I come home and touch myself with the pretty girl in my mind. To some extent, I think am mad or just becoming addicted to it, which is very bad cause I wouldn't want to render myself impotent, (lolx)
I received a call from my cousin brother, he is in Lagos and a year older than me, he is my role model, he is everything I wish I am, has lots of girls at his beck and call. He is inviting me to Lagos after my semester, am not yet sure if am going, cause I can't stand his insults of me being such a disgrace. He often says "take away my blood from your body, for you are not worthy to have the same DNA with me". Funny everything he says is cool.
Nonetheless, I plan to have fun during the holiday and I plan to change and make girls realize what they have been missing, and again am stopping this addiction before it gets out of hand.
Diary, you really serving as my friend, you are my second miracle, thanks anyway, and if there is a world of dairy, and you are a boy, try to be a playboy, learn from my mistake and be a badass(lolx). Thanks, mate
Another entry
Dear Diary
Am done with my exams and luckily, I no longer touch myself, I was able to stop cause I made novel my new pass time, though this time I stayed clear of a romance novel and focused on a thriller, crime, and action.
And I have absolutely stayed clear from girls and no longer daydream about every pretty girl and for that am proud of myself, I am as proud as the day I helped Miracle find her lost pen, she kept crying that her mom will beat her if she returns home again without pen, we just started our primary 3 then and we now use pen. She always misplaces her pen, after that day she got wise by always giving me her pen to keep and I told her to also write her name on a piece of paper and put it inside the pen so whenever it's lost, whoever finds it will know who it belongs to. Happy times
My cousin kept disturbing and I have finally agreed to visit him in Lagos, his family is fond of me, he is already saying things we will do together and now am eager to go. Am leaving next week, am leaving you here, cause he is a curious person and I wouldn't like him reading you, so I will fill you in on what happened when I get back, don't miss me much....
Chidimma kept looking my way, though I try my best not to read meaning into it which was difficult. I still haven't updated my diary, I guess nothing important has occurred.
I came home today so tired as I am about to fall asleep my phone blared off, I picked it without looking at the contact.
"Hello," I said sluggishly.
"Hello, cuz" I heard Henry from the other side, I sat up, he's my favorite cousin, actually my role model, he has his ways with girls.
"How parols," I asked. This is the second time he's calling this week, he wants me to visit Lagos after my exams.
"Cool, am still calling for the issue, I already called your parents, they approved, so come have fun and leave the east for a bit," he said I chuckled.
I really want to go but Henry is blunt if he finds out am still a virgin and my inability to get a girl he will never let me forget it. Still, I want to go have fun and forget all this failure.
"Will think about it," I said, after that, we talked about the latest movies and stuff, I really enjoy spending time with him, we hung up after catching up.
My phone rang again as am about to sleep, this time I checked the caller, it's an unsaved number but I know who, for its a number I have memorized. I contemplated whether to pick it or not, was still thinking as the call ended, I decided to pick it if she calls again and truly she did, I then picked up.
"Hello," she said immediately.
"Hi" I replied in a monotone.
"I have no idea what to say or how to apologize, but know this am so sorry," she said in a pleading tone.
"Alright, it's bygone" I replied since I can't even react.
"The guy is my boyfriend but he is a bully he abuses me, am afraid of what he will do to me if I had reacted that day," she said and I heard her sobs, my heart broke for her.
"Then report him or something," I said, that's the best I can offer, am not the type that fights or try being a hero.
"I tried but he found out and it made the matter worst, am so afraid," she said, my inner mind told me how much I will enjoy her if I help her out.
"How can I help," I said even before I could think.
"He's doing this because I owe him, I can pay him off I bet he will be off," she said then epiphany hits me, that's all I am to her, a bank that she can come to withdraw whenever she feels like, I have been only a fool. I hung up before she said something else. The impetus, she just spoiled my day and destroy whatever hope I have for her, I slept off and luckily she didn't call.
I heaved a sigh after am done, I took my bath and came out from the bathroom, it's now a regular routine for me. As of late, I have been touching myself in excess. I watch pornographic videos and stuff, I always fantasize about almost every sexy girl that walks past me, I wish to stop cause I know the problem it poses to health not to talk of the religious view of it.
I came home early today with nothing to do I decided to bring out my diary and do some update its been long I updated it last, I went and brought it out from my box of cloth where I usually keep it, its still as I left it, I smile as I feel it's my only companion.
Dear diary
Its been long I wrote last, did you miss me. What a funny question to ask a diary. The last time I updated, I said I would stay clear from girls, I quite did, but it's been difficult.
Though I have never had any luck with girls in the past, at least I always have hope when am trying to win a girl, even though I never succeed, but still, the hope I had, gave me joy, "for they say even unreturned love has its rainbow". But now I have personally killed that hope, for when I see a girl no matter how pretty she is and how inviting I always remember the decision I made, so I always hold back.
As for chidimma, she called me last week to apologize giving all sort of excuse, that she has an abusive boyfriend and she was scared that's why she played along, for a moment she got me and I felt pity that I even offered to help, she then said she's owing the guy and can only be free if she pays the guy off, I dropped the call and never picked her call again. I even ignored her when she tried to stop me at school, I just can't imagine what she took me for, her mugu?.
I have been touching myself lately, more than usual, whenever I come across a pretty girl, I come home and touch myself with the pretty girl in my mind. To some extent, I think am mad or just becoming addicted to it, which is very bad cause I wouldn't want to render myself impotent, (lolx)
I received a call from my cousin brother, he is in Lagos and a year older than me, he is my role model, he is everything I wish I am, has lots of girls at his beck and call. He is inviting me to Lagos after my semester, am not yet sure if am going, cause I can't stand his insults of me being such a disgrace. He often says "take away my blood from your body, for you are not worthy to have the same DNA with me". Funny everything he says is cool.
Nonetheless, I plan to have fun during the holiday and I plan to change and make girls realize what they have been missing, and again am stopping this addiction before it gets out of hand.
Diary, you really serving as my friend, you are my second miracle, thanks anyway, and if there is a world of dairy, and you are a boy, try to be a playboy, learn from my mistake and be a badass(lolx). Thanks, mate
Another entry
Dear Diary
Am done with my exams and luckily, I no longer touch myself, I was able to stop cause I made novel my new pass time, though this time I stayed clear of a romance novel and focused on a thriller, crime, and action.
And I have absolutely stayed clear from girls and no longer daydream about every pretty girl and for that am proud of myself, I am as proud as the day I helped Miracle find her lost pen, she kept crying that her mom will beat her if she returns home again without pen, we just started our primary 3 then and we now use pen. She always misplaces her pen, after that day she got wise by always giving me her pen to keep and I told her to also write her name on a piece of paper and put it inside the pen so whenever it's lost, whoever finds it will know who it belongs to. Happy times
My cousin kept disturbing and I have finally agreed to visit him in Lagos, his family is fond of me, he is already saying things we will do together and now am eager to go. Am leaving next week, am leaving you here, cause he is a curious person and I wouldn't like him reading you, so I will fill you in on what happened when I get back, don't miss me much....
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